he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
