yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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