And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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