I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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