The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
