He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
