Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Who wears a wallet chain?!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
