Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
