I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
