brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
now i know why i became what i already was.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He felt like a one man threesome
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
