I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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