genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
