Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
