my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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