The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
