that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
