Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
