I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
too bad you live with your parents still
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
