I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
