just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
