I wish I could punch you in the face.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
