wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
