Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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