if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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