does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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