I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
