I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
