ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
