my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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