plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
