Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize