I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
