I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
