Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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