Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
