I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
