I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
third nipple confirmed
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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