dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
