he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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