my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
