I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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