Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
