who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was like getting head from an anaconda
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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