Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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