that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
