Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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