His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
