You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
