I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
