I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
