This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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